Rosina
G. Schnurr, Ph.D., F.A.C1.P. is a clinical psychologist
who has worked with
chidren
for over twenty years Her experienc as well as her positive
and sensitive style reflect her caring concern for these
special children.
John
Strachan is a cartoonist and illustrator who has published
works in a variety of
media.
He lives and works in Ottawa with his wife and two children.
The
Mystery
Something
was wrong. Again.
My
mom was crying. Again.
My
dad was talking about seeing another doctor. Again.
I
knew they were talking about me. Again.
I
just don't get it.., again.
We
had just come home from a restaurant. It was supposed to be
a
celebration. My dad got this new job. My dad is an important
person. I
don't really know what he does but sometimes I see him on
television.
Anyway, a whole lot of people were there; mostly friends of
my
mom and dad and some of the people that my dad works with.
I was
the only kid. I do have a younger brother but my parents made
him stay
with a sitter. I'm almost 11 so I got to go.
The
meal was okay. It took forever. Then my mom whispered to
me
that there were going to be “toasts”. I thought we were going
to have
breakfast. I told her that I wasn't hungry. It turns out that
a “toast" is
when someone gets up with their wine glass and says something
about
my dad and then everyone touches glasses with each other and
then
drinks. Some "toast". Well, this went on for awhile and I
was getting
really bored. Then it hit me! I could make a toast, too!
I
stood up and talked about how my dad doesn’t spend enough
time
with me. Then I started talking about the weather. My mom
made me
sit down. My dad made a joke about the weather that I didn’t
understand
but some people laughed. We went home pretty soon after
that.
Another
Doctor
Well,
here I am in ANOTHER doctor’s office. I don't know how
many
different doctors I've seen. I didn't want to come. I even
tried to throw
a tantrum but my dad wasn't in a mood to fool around. My mom
says
that the doctor isn't going to give me needles or anything.
He, who turned
out to be a she, was just going to talk to me. I've heard
about
those
psycho doctors. You go to see them when you're crazy. I'm
not crazy.
At least I don't think so.
Anyway,
this lady doctor is okay. She didn't make me stand on
one
foot or wiggle my fingers or do anything dumb. All she did
was ask
me some questions, mainly about school and friends and stuff.
I lied
about having friends and told her that I didn’t really
care about having
friends. And she actually listened to me talk. I know I talk
too much
and people don't want to listen, but she did. Then she made
another
appointment with my parents. I don't have to come for the
next appointment.
I guess that means that I'm not crazy after all.
So
what was different? I guess I still had my “huh?" expression
on
my face because the doctor just kept smiling and talking.
Many things were different, she said, but the most important
one, because it made
a lot of children unhappy, was that children with Asperger’s
Disorder
have a lot of difficulty making friends and having fun with
other
children. Also, they get upset easily about things that bother
them.
I knew that was like me but I never knew it had a had name.
My mom
got up and hugged me. My dad had this sort of sad smile on
his face.
He put his hand on my shoulder and thanked the doctor a lot.
The
Funny Thing About Friends
When
we got home, my mom talked to me about "social" things
like
making friends. She said that it is because with Asperger’s,
you have
trouble understanding emotions and feelings. That means
understanding
what other children mean when they say certain things
and
what other children mean when they do certain things. It also
means
that other children do not understand what you say and do
sometimes.
I
know I really want to have friends but it never seems to work
out.
Most times I don't care because it is more fun to spend time
by myself
doing my "own thing", like drawing pictures of weather maps.
My
parents say I cannot spend all my time doing this even if
I like it a lot.
Sometimes
other children are not kind. They play tricks on
children
who have Asperger’s Disorder because they know that they can
fool
us. My mom knows a little girl who was riding a school bus.
She got
off at the wrong bus stop because the other children on the
bus told her
it was her stop. She felt pretty awful when the bus pulled
away and she
saw the other children laughing. She felt especially awful
because she
did not know where she was. She had to walk and walk until
some nice
adult helped her.
The
main problem playing with other children is that they are
not interested
in playing what you like and you don't want to play anything
else.
Also, when I play, I like to always play in the same way every
time.
Other children want to play things their way. This upsets
me and I
usually get angry at them or just leave and play my own way.
My
mom says it has to do with "flexibility". That means
being
able to change from one thing to another without getting upset.
A lot
of times that is hard for me because I like to do things in
a particular
way --like when I take my bike to the park, I always go the
same
route. Also it is hard for me because I really, really am
interested in
only a few things and I want others to listen to me and to
be interested
in my things all the time.
By
being flexible, my mom means that I can’t do "my things" all
the
time; that I have to change to doing other things or doing
things in different
ways. I am getting better at this but I still don't feel very
comfortable
being "flexible". At least now I don’t have tantrums about
it.
I only did that when I was a little kid.
Social
Sillies
My
mom also talks a lot about social skills. I call them “social
sillies”.
That's about how much sense they make to me. What my mom
means
is that you have to behave in certain ways with other people.
First,
you must be polite. When you meet people, you must look them
in
the eye and smile and say “hello" or “how do you do" or shake
their hand
or something like that. It’s called a "greeting". It was hard
for me to
look at people but my parents made me do it over and over
and over. Now
it is not so bad. I've discovered that people really like
it when you smile.
I don't know why but they do.
And,
of course, you can't be "aggressive”: No hitting, pushing,
shoving
and all that bad stuff. When I was in grade one, I used to
like to
swing at school during recess. If there was someone else on
the swing,
I would just push them off so that I could swing. My teacher
said
I was "aggressive". My parents told me I had to "share" the
swing. But
I couldn't. Then my dad put up a swing in our back yard and
that was
the only place that I was allowed to swing. I don't care so
much about
swinging anymore.
Along
with being polite, you have to have good “hygiene".
That means,
you have to remember to brush your teeth, comb your hair and
wash
a lot. You also can’t wear the same clothes every day.
My mom helps me
with this. She picks my clothes and makes me follow a list
in the bathroom
so that I don't forget to do all the necessary things. When
I was little,
she used to have a picture of the toilet on the list. Now
she doesn't have
to remind me of those stupid things.
In
order to be sociable, you can't stay in your room all day.
My parents
try to get me to call a friend to play but I make up excuses.
Sometimes,
they telephone friends for me. Then I have to play with
them.
If
you have any little habits like blinking your eyes or rubbing
your
nose, try not to do them in public. I have to stop yourself
from making
little noises in my throat whenever I'm around people. My
mom
calls it grunting but it is just a habit that feels good and
is hard to stop.
She says that I can grunt all I want in my room. Sometimes
I do. You
also have to watch what you say. Of course you can't say
bad
words, at least not out loud. My parents don't say anything
if I mumble
to myself or say some in my head.
There
are lots of things about talking that you have to remember.
First,
don't talk too much, especially if it is all about one thing.
My mom says
that I can only say four things about the weather and I can't
ask any questions.
I may make a statement about the weather being cold, rainy
or windy.
I can't talk about cold fronts or temperatures or anything
like that. Asking
questions can get you into lots of trouble, especially
asking
“personal” questions, and especially asking strangers "personal"
questions.
When I was little and I was at a shopping mall with my
mom,
I saw a man without hair on top of his head I had never seen
that before.
So I asked the man to take off his head so that I could look
at it. I
couldn't see it way up there. My mom and the man laughed but
later my
mom told me that the man couldn’t take his head off. I didn't
understand
that because the head of my teddy bear comes off. When I
discovered
that I couldn't take off my head or mom’s head, I
understood
why they were laughing.
Anyway,
most of the time is a lot safer
to just make simple statements and not ask questions.
Another
big "no no" are jokes. Don't even try to tell them. Other
kids
will just laugh at you. Somehow, I never get it right. I can't
seem to
get my voice to go up and down at the right times. And then
I always mess
up the punch line. Sometimes I can’t stop myself from laughing
before
I get to the punch line and then all the kids end up laughing
at me.
When I do get to the end of the joke, nobody thinks it’s funny.
Well,
there they are-- the social sillies. A real pain
at times, but necessary.
The
Weather Weebie
I
want to tell you about one of my interests. I like it so much
that I
have a hard time when I try to stop thinking about it and
talking about it.
It
is the weather. I know that everyone talks about the weather
but not
like me. I am really, really, REALLY interested in the weather.
My
dad got me some information from the weather office and it
was
neat. There were maps and all sorts of numbers. The first
thing I do in
the morning when I wake up is turn on my radio and listen
to the forecast.
I have to set my alarm for five minutes after seven because
the weather
is announced at about ten minutes after seven. Once I
missed it
and once it did not come on until twenty-two minutes after
seven. When
it is not on time, it upsets me but I am learning to be patient
and wait.
My mom says that if I miss it, I can always ask her or my
dad.
I
also must learn not to talk about the weather all the time.
In other
words, I have to be "flexible". Then maybe the other kids
won't call
me the "Weather Weebie”. At first I though it was a good name.
But
then they started making jokes about the weather that I didn't
understand.
That didn't feel very good. Once at school, they told me it
was
raining when it was supposed to be sunny so I rushed to the
window
to look and then the whole class laughed. I also hide my
umbrella
now so that the bigger boys can’t take it and play catch with
it
over my head. My mom got me an umbrella that folds up really
small.
It's easy to hide.
Sports
and Klutz
There
are other things about Asperger’s Disorder that are
important
to know--like about sports. Sometimes children with Asperger’s
are
not very good at sports. Other children call you “klutzy".
That means that
you don't run very well or very fast and sometimes you fall
or drop things.
My
parents say that they don't expect me to be like my brother
who
is good at sports. They say that being good at sports for
him is like my
being good at reading weather maps. My brother can't tell
a cold front
from a warm front and besides, he isn't even interested. Sometimes
he goes
out of the house without wearing his jacket or hat even though
I’ve
told him it's going to be cold. My parents make him wear proper
clothes.
He doesn't like that.
The
other problem with sports is "teams". When you have
Asperger’s,
you can get lost on a team There are so many rules and
things
change so quickly that it's hard to know what to do and when
to do
it. Then your teammates get annoyed with you, too, because
you weren’t
in the right place at the right time or you did something
that you weren't
supposed to do.
I
once played on a softball team. I wasn't very good at catching
the
ball or running, so the coach put me out in the field. He
told me that
if any balls came my way, I was to throw them to the pitcher.
But when
I did that, the team got upset because I was really supposed
to throw
the ball to first base to get the other team's player out.
The coach explained
that if it was easy to throw the ball to first base and a
runner is
coming to first base, then I should throw it there rather
than to the catcher.
So
the next time I picked up the ball, which fell just behind
second,
I threw it to first base. The team got upset again because,
apparently,
I was supposed to throw it to second base to get out the
other
team's player there before throwing it to first base or to
the pitcher.
Besides, I didn't throw it very well and the other team ended
up scoring
a run.
I
was getting really confused and feeling terrible. I didn't
understand
why the other kids were so upset. The coach seemed mad,
too.
I was glad when my parents said that I didn’t have to play
a team sport
anymore. Now I go swimming and I even have my very own
instructor.
At first I didn't like getting into the water but now it's
okay. Soon
I hope to learn how to swim.
Am
I Smart or What?
I
have to go to school like any other kid. I like school but
I wish all
the other children weren't there. They bother me. My teacher
is nice though.
I like her. My parents explained "Asperger's" to her. She
knows
how much I like the weather. She also knows that I talk a
lot. It's okay
because we have a deal. Whenever am talking too much, she
lets me
know by pulling on her ear if she is at the front of the room
or tapping
on my shoulder if she is close to me.
My
teacher even tells me that I am smart. Some kids call me
"dumb"
and "stupid" and "weird". I heard her talking to another teacher
once
who thought that I was "odd". She explained that I was not
odd but
just a little "different" from other children. That was when
I knew that
she was my friend.
The
thing about school is that some parts are really easy and
other
parts are hard. I remember when I was in kindergarten and
I could
read. Everyone told me how intelligent I was. But I felt really
dumb
when I had to tie my shoe laces. I still can't tie them. It
frustrates me
so much that my mom and dad had to get me shoes that close
with Velcro.
That's
okay because my mom says that there is always a way
around
things. What she means is that when I have trouble with
something,
it is always possible to do the same thing another way so
that
I won't get so upset. She calls it being "adaptable". It really
means that
if I CANNOT change, then the things around me CAN change.
But
I have to try really hard to change first.
Recess
isn't too much fun. Nobody wants to play with me. I sort
of
hang around the other kids and pretend to be having fun. When
I was
a little kid and I really really liked bugs, I used to play
"bug" at recess.
I would get down on the ground and crawl around. No one
wanted
to play with me. My teacher told me that ii was not
“appropriate"
to pretend to be a bug. She gave me some paper and said
that
it was "appropriate” for me to draw pictures of bugs crawling
around.
The other kids thought my pictures of bugs were pretty neat
and
the science teacher told me that I was very clever about bugs.
The
tricky part is knowing what is appropriate and what is not
appropriate.
My teacher is really good about that. She never gets mad
at
me but she will tell me if she sees me doing something
"inappropriate".
Anyway, the best thing about recess is when the bell
rings
to go back into the school.
I
have a good memory. All the teachers think I’m "amazing".
That
makes me feel good. I can remember things like big words and
long
sentences. It's strange that I can read more and faster than
anyone in
my class but when the teacher asks me questions about what
I have read,
I don't get the answers right. I can repeat the words but
she wants me
to explain them and that's hard to do. That's why I go to
see a special
resource teacher on Mondays and Thursdays of every week.
She
is a nice lady and I try to work hard for her.
Anxiety
Busters
Whew!
What a day. I'm beginning to feel better now that I'm
doing
my "anxiety busters". They help me get rid of things like
bad days.
Today was awful. I missed the weatherreport because some
dummy
was going on and on about the stock market, whatever that
is. Then
I was late for breakfast and couldn't watch the TV weather.
When I
went to go out the door, I couldn't find my umbrella and I
could not get
on the school bus without it. My dad was upset but he drove
me to school.
Even
with a ride, I was still late and had to go to the principle’s
office
by myself because my dad wasn't able to stay with me. I was
scared
and confused. My anxiety was getting worse and worse. I was
feeling
really tense. Then I got sent back to my class and the other
kids had already
started so I didn't know what to do and I just couldn't handle
that. I started
to cry. The other kids looked at me like I was a silly baby.
The teacher
talked to me though, and that made me feel better.
Then
it was recess time and a new student teacher thought we should
all
play "cooperative games”. I got it all wrong and she said
I wasn't cooperating.
That's not true. I really was trying hard to do what she said.
My
mom had to come and get me at lunch time.
Now
I'm at home and doing my “anxiety busters”. They are exercises
that
you do to get rid of things like bad days. I have a book with
pictures showing
exactly how to do each one What you do are “starts and stops"
(that's
what I call them). You “start" by squeezing up some
part of your body
really hard and then you count to five and then you "stop".
The part
of your body that was squeezed up then relaxes and you feel
better. You
do it all over your body. I follow the pictures in the book
and count exactly
to five each time.
The
next thing I'm going to do is look for my umbrella. My
Granny
is here with me and she is good at finding things. I am going
to put
my umbrella in my bed so it will be there for tomorrow morning.
Granny
even said she would make me chocolate chip cookies and I
could
eat them while I watch the weather channel. I really like
my Granny.
Little
Things, Big Things
Another
thing to know about Asperger's Disorder is that
sometimes
little things bother you a lot. Like when you put something
in
one place, where it should be, and then someone moves it.
I used to play
with lego blocks a lot when I was a little kid. I always arranged
them
in the same pattern and then my little brother would come
along and
mess them up. I would get so upset that I would whack him
and then
I would really get into trouble. My parents took away my lego
blocks.
Mom said that if I could not change, then the environment
needed
to change. I didn’t understand that for a long time but I
do now My
mom was making me be 'adaptable'.
Sometimes
big things bother you, like noises. I still do not like
the
sound of the vacuum cleaner. When I was little, I used to
scream until
mom turned it off. The sound was just too much. My mom solved
the
problem though. She bought me earphones and now I listen to
music
while she vacuums.
Speaking
of noises, I can make the sound of the microwave
beeps.
Sometimes I try to fool my mom. Usually she just laughs. She
only
gets annoyed when I keep doing it over and over. It feels
good to make
noises and sometimes it is hard to stop making them.
Another
'little' thing that can turn into a 'big' thing happens
when
you try to fix something to make it right. My dad and I went
to the
hardware store to get a light bulb and when we passed the
nails, they
were all messed up. They should have been in their right boxes.
My
dad said "don't worry about it" and "forget it". But I knew
the nails should
be in their right boxes so I found the store manager and told
him
to fix it. --That's how a little thing like a nail can
turn into a big thing
like my dad getting upset and the store manager getting upset
and then
we didn't even get the light bulb and that made my mom upset.
I still
don't understand why it was such a big deal. Anyway, my dad
calls me
the "Great Corrector" and sometimes the "Police Patrol". What
I do know
is that when my dad says to "forget" something, I try to hurry
past
or not to look so that it won't bother me and then I won't
get into trouble.
You
and Who Else?
If
you have Asperger's Disorder, you are not the only person
in the
world. Other children may have Asperger's, too. You won't
know it when
you meet them because it does not show like a cast on a broken
arm.
Also, boys are more likely than girls to have it. I don't
know if that makes
us more special or not.
I
know another boy who comes to play with me while our moms
talk.
They met at a "support group". That's a bunch of people who
talk to each
other and try to help each other. My mom hasn't been crying
so much
since she started going there. Anyway, Michael is a chess
freak. He
even plays chess with himself. He doesn't talk as much as
me. It is like
he is thinking all the time. I draw maps while he plays chess.
Our moms
say this isn't really playing together but at least we don't
fight.
Another
reason that you are not alone is that you might have a
relative
who has Asperger's, too. I remember that the doctor said that
sometimes
you can find male relatives in your family who are like you.
In
my family, my Uncle Lewis, who is my dad's brother, is a lot
like me.
He talks a lot, mainly about his work. He became an engineer
because
he always liked wires and things You should see his collection
of
wires. Now, THAT'S weird.
So
What's Important?
The
most important thing to remember when you have
Asperger's
Disorder is that you are a good and okay person. You just
see the
world a little differently. Sometimes you don't understand
things and
sometimes you misunderstand things. Also, you likely have
some habits
that bug other people.
But
none of this is your fault and it is not a reason for others
to laugh
at you or dislike you. Unless, of course, you are nasty to
them. What
you have to remember is that they probably don't even know
about
Asperger 's. My advice is don't try to explain it to them.
You'll probably
get it all mixed up and then they still won't understand but
they'll
think that you're really weird. If you really want someone
to know
about Asperger's, ask one of your parents or a teacher to
help explain
it.
Another
thing that is really important is that you have some
people
that you can trust to explain things to you. 'Trust' means
that they
will always tell you the truth and help you. When you feel
upset and
you don't know why, talk to your mom or dad or a teacher.
They can
help you to understand better about "feelings" and can help
you find
ways to make a situation much better.
And,
remember to be FAAT! Or at least try to be.
Flexible
- Try to change
Adaptable
- if you can't change, try to change what is around you
Appropriate
- The right thing at the right time
Trust
someone - Mom, Dad, Teacher
Asperger's
Huh?
Yes,
I think I have Asperger's figured out. Now I don't go "huh?'
so
much. It's really very simple Asperger's is just like having
only a FEW
pieces of a puzzle and trying to put it together right. You
need to have
ALL the pieces and sometimes you need help you put them
together
right.
for
a copy of "Asperger's Huh?", send $18 to:
Anisor
Publishing
PO Box
46130
2339
Ogilvie Rd
Gloucester,
Ontario
Canada,
K1J 9M7
613-741-1115
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